And finally, new rule...traitors don't get to question my patriotism! What could be less patriotic than *constantly* screwing things up for America? You know, it's literally hard to keep up with the sheer volume of scandals in the Bush administration, which is why I like to download the latest scandals right onto my iPod. That way I can catch up on this week's giant fuck up on my drive into work. (Laughter). In fact, Bush has so many scandals, he could open a chain of scandal-and-fuck-up themed restaurants. "Ooh, should I get the Harriet Miers meatloaf of the Katrina crabcakes?"

You know, not to generalize, but the 29% of people who still support President Bush are the ones who love to pronounce themselves more patriotic than the rest of us. But just *saying* you're patriotic, is like saying you have a big cock--if you have to say it, chances are it's not true! (Laughter and applause.) And indeed the party that flatters itself that they protect America better, is the party that has exhausted the military, left the ports wide open, and purposefully outed a CIA agent, Valerie Plame. That's not treason any more--outing a spy? Did I mention it was one of our spies? (Laughter.)

And how despicable that Bush's lackies attempted to diminish this crime by belittling her service, like she was just some chick who "hung around the CIA". Heh, heh. An intern, really! Groupie, if you want to be mean about it... (Laughter.)

No--big lie! Valerie Plame was the CIA's operational officer in charge of counter-proliferation. Which means, she tracked loose nukes. So when Bush said, as he once did, that his absolute number one priority was preventing terrorists from getting loose nukes? Okay, that's what she worked on. That's what she devoted her life to, staying under cover for 20 years. Maintaining two identities every g*ddamn day. This is extraordinary service to your country! Valerie Plame was the kind of real-life secret agent George Bush dreams of being, when he's not too busy pretending to be a cowboy or a fighter pilot! (Laughter and applause.)

CIA agents are troops. This was a military assassination, of one of our own, done through the press, ordered by Karl Rove. He said of Valerie Plame, "She's fair game." And then Cheney shot her. (Laughter.)

George Bush likes to claim that he doesn't question his critics' patriotism, just their judgement. Well, let me be the first of your critics, Mr. President, to question your judgement and your patriotism (clapping) because let's not forget why they did it to her.

Because Valerie Plame was married to this guy Joe Wilson, who the Bush people hated, because he busted them on one of their bullsh*t reasons for invading Iraq. He was sent to the African country of Niger to see if Niger was selling nuclear fuel to Iraq. They weren't, it was bullshit, and he said so. In fact, his report was called, "Niger please!" (Laughter.)

Valerie Plame's husband told the truth about their lies, so they were willing to jeopardize an entire network of spies to ruin her life! Wow--even the mob doesn't go after your family.

Mark Twain said "Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. And I say, Valerie Plame is a patriot, because she spent her life serving her country. Scooter Libby is not, because he spent his life serving Dick Cheney. Valerie Plame kept her secrets--the Bush administration leaked like the plumbing at Walter Reed.

In the year 2008, I really think that Hillary Clinton should run for president on a platform of "restoring honour and integrity to the Oval Office".

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