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Sun

31

Jan

2010

Dear Bro Bama, Are You Confused?
Sunday, 31 January 2010 16:32
by Tom Chartier

Hey there my neophyte POTUS pen-pal. Are you finding that this cush job isn’t all bass fishing and whooping it up with celebrities? Okay, okay you got to meet the Los Angeles Lakers. It doesn’t seem fair since; I’m from Los Angeles and have never met any Laker Legend… But… I’m not bitter.

Bitten off more than you can chew trying to create “change”? I see that maybe, just maybe, you are maintaining our fine Presidential Tradition of being a compete moron. Jolly good!

I always thought the ability to read was a requirement for the job of POTUS, but since it was waived for your predecessor I may be wrong. Now assuming that you can read, I wonder if you have taken a glance at a couple recent New York Times headlines? I know all you howler monkeys in D.C. are in cahoots with the NY Times as well as one or fifty other “news” outlets. So, if you personally haven’t looked, certainly some lackey looking for a bone must have brought a couple headline stories to your attention. The two I have in mind both concern… you… The Big Cheese in the Oval Office. And best of all, you don’t even need to read the stories to get the point!

The first one is from the January 25th copy. Just the other day! It reads: “Obama to Offer Aid for Families in State of the Union Address.”

How noble! Hear! Hear! Let’s help the citizens who have been burned by all the shenanigans of the money-grubbing snake oil salesmen on Wall Street. But… uh… since heaps and heaps of U.S. greenbacks were given to those same banking bloodsuckers as punishment just how do you plan on helping the victims?
 

Okay, let’s suppose you can just print money… my little joke… That might be nice but it won’t help. That's Bernanke's problem so we’ll jump off that bridge later… or not at all if we can help it.

Let’s look at the next fun NY Times headline which surprise, surprise, concerns you too!

“As Obama Seeks Freeze, Deficit Seen Shrinking Slightly.”

This one is dated January 26th. And what pray tell are you going to freeze? The Af-Pak war chest? Payments to Blackwater? Funding for the IDF? I shudder at the thought of a slowing down of Death, Destruction and Empire building. No, you’re plan is to freeze spending on domestic programs.

Now just hold on there Big Bubba, please explain this to me. I am confused. Usually when I add two and two, I get four. But this doesn’t add up. In one fell swoop you have promised more aid to US citizens, I’ll take that to mean domestic spending and at the same time are seeking to put the kibosh on all domestic spending.

Huh?

Did you have trouble with New Math in grade school like most of us? This is adding a positive number with a negative number of the same value. Two plus negative two equals… zero! Amazing how that works out.

Or are you just shooting off a lot of hot air? It is expected of our “elected representatives” after all. Or do just think we’re all so stupid you don’t need to bother with a week of Attention Deficit USA to contradict your rhetoric and propaganda?

Sorry Bro Bama, even your predecessor The Great Shrub knew how to stay the course of balderdash and hogwash. It seems, you can’t even whip us up into a good fascist frenzy of fear and freedom to hide your little skullduggery… or is that simply incompetent buffoonery?

Listen, I know I’ve been harsh. That’s what friends are for. I’m here to help.

It’s looking more and more every day that you shall be a one trick POTUS or to put in plainly, a one term president. It appears you are saying things to make everybody happy and look like a nice guy. Well, sorry to disappoint you Bro, you can’t make everybody happy any more than you can fool all the people all the time… which is what The Great Shrub thought he could do… and so did Slick Willy for that matter… and… well you get the idea.

The thing is the job of POTUS is not like being America’s Next Top Idol. You are blowing it big time. Please take my advice. It’s simple. Cut the crap!

Bro Bama, in three years you will be retired, happily guarded by the secret service, living off the POTUS pension, lecture tour money, book sales royalties, lucrative directorships at big banks, and maybe you can even set up a photo booth in a Washington mall. ‘Get your photo taken with former president Obama! Today’s discount special for the needy; one 3x5 colored glossy for only $99.99!’ It’s kind of like Ma and Pa Kettle getting a picture of the baby on a pony. Hey, times are tough and you too should bite the bullet.

So, you have absolutely nothing to lose by… and I shudder at the thought… doing the right thing.

Get us out of Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iraq, Yemen, and Israel. And stop causing trouble! Don’t make any more promises you are too busy to figure out how to delete. Stop bailing out big bank CEOs! And please… please… drop the health care reform thing. That’s a kettle of rancid fish heads and the time is not ripe.

And while your at completing all this “change” change this; pay attention to your own contradictions and cognitive dissonance! You can’t offer to expand the Welfare State and put a freeze on it at the same time!

Happy, happy. Joy, joy.

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