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Thu

12

Aug

2010

Welcome to Dante's Cafe - Pick Your Poison
Thursday, 12 August 2010 19:37
by Stephen P. Pizzo

Today's Special

Fire-roasted Russian landscape with smoked Russians and blackened garnish.

(Your Choice!) Muddy-water marinated Pakistanis or Chinese, garnished with water chestnuts steamed in septic laced free-range water.

Soup of Poland: An Opaque favorite spiked with fresh floaters. followed by mud-pie topped with creme-de-misery

Foreclosure Succotash: Bank-baked foreclosure-succotash served with either deep-fried nervous systems or sad salad.

Half-baked Palin-patties: served cold over a bed of wilted locoweed.

(Popular!) Our famous Bankruptcy Burger: Made with meat bred, grown and nurtured on the lush money-green lawns of the District of Columbia!

Unemployment Toffee: Small helpings for the budget minded -- no nutritional value to speak of, but you'll be back for more!

Double-dip Sandwich -- You know it, because you've had it before. by unpopular demand, it's baaaacccck!

The 401K platter: (Sorry. Discontinued)

Afghanistan Quagmire Stew:  prepared daily with only meat and ingredients flown in FRESH Daily from US suppliers.

Tea Party Special: A new twist on an old favorite! Tea Partiers pay for and then serve meals to wealthy patrons and go home hungry but convinced they just had the best meal of their lives.

(NEW!) Virgin-Oil Marinated Shrimp: Gulf shrimp marinated in the freshest virgin oil on the planet. So tender no chewing required -- they slide effortlessly down -- and out again.
.
Deflation Souffle': First inflated then carelessly deflated, this souffle' costs less and less each day -- which is good news since you'll also be earning less and less with each passing day.

Climate Change Soup: (Formerly known as Espacho.) Brewed with 6000-year old water harvested from melting glaciers! Ice-cold when it leaves the kitchen, warm by the time it reaches your table. (Bowl of Glacier ice extra)
 
Grand Old Potpie: Crispy hot-air baked crust with nothing inside. For those wanting to appear they are ordering something nutritious without actually having to deal with the whole "actual ingredients" thing.

Arrogant Bastard Burgers: Thoroughly-crooked, served on pumpernickel dripping with special-interest secret sauce.
 
Giant Democrat Cotton Candy Treat: Sweet as hell this sticky treat appears larger and more substantial than it really is. Low in everything; fat, calories, content. Arrive hungry. Leave hungry. Ask for it by name!

The Obama Post-Partisan Omelet: (Allow at least 8-years for preparation.) This dish attempts to mix ingredients no sane cook would ever try to combine. Ingredients must be continuously be mixed and beaten even as the completed omelet is brought, piping hot, to your table. (Warning: Customer must continue beating and mixing as they try to consume this dish or the incompatible ingredients will separate and, as individual ingredients, they are generally considered disgusting.) So, Beat it and Eat it! Fun for the whole family!


Oh man! I started my adult life at Alice's Restaurant and ended up at Dante's Cafe. This is NOT an improvement.

Over and out,

Steve  
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