Home     Writers     Op/Ed     Book Reviews     News     Bookstore     Photoshops     Submit     Search     Contact Us     Advertise  
  You are here: 

Sun

23

Dec

2007

The Top Ten Comedic News Stories Of 2007
Sunday, 23 December 2007 20:33
by Will Durst

Okay. Just so you know: the Top Ten Comedic News Stories of the Year are as different from the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of the Year as Peppermint Mini Marshmallow Froot Loops are from porridge. For instance, the Pakistani government transition didn’t make our list. Why? Because it has the humor quotient of cider vinegar foot baths. Except for President Musharaff’s first name being Pervez. Short for Perv? Prez Perv. Nice alliteration there. But funny? Let me think. No. Subprime mortgage crisis? Yeah, right. Rusty nail through the bottom of your Reeboks funny. Myanmar, Virginia Tech, you see my point. So let’s go my route. Here’s the stories of 07 that were the most lampoonable.

10. Jimmy Carter called President Bush the “worst President ever.” And by the very nature of that statement, that would have to include… Jimmy Carter. “Worst President ever” by Jimmy Carter. That can’t be good. Like having your drug intervention hosted by Lindsay Lohan.

9. David Petreaus, the Surgin’ General said Iraq looks more and more like America every day. Apparently they want us out of there too. Claims the government is paralyzed by petty partisan squabbling, so maybe they are getting the hang of a western style democracy.

8. Hillary Clinton asked the public to help pick her official campaign song. Here’s some additional suggestions. “The Theme from Shaft.” “Its Too Late Baby.” “Devil with a Blue Dress.” “She’s Cold as Ice.” “The Bitch is Back.”

7. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad demonstrated the concept of free speech in America. Both he and Bush at the UN on the same day. Think of it: a religious fanatic who sponsors secret prisons and has antagonized the whole world and an Iranian, both addressing the General Assembly.

6. Rudy Giuliani tried to espouse traditional family values on the campaign trail. And the fact that he’s had 3 wives just means he’s extra traditional. The Christian Coalition threatened to form a third party if Rudy Giuliani becomes the Republican nominee. Wonder what they’ll call it? Too bad “the Taliban” is already taken.

5. Karl Rove and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales both resigned. I’m thinking the only reason he kept supporting Gonzales is because “Attorney General” and “Alberto Gonzales” both start with AG, and it was the only way he could remember who was filling the position. Like a mnemonic device. Karl Rove: proof positive that the Devil and the Pillsbury Dough Boy had more than a passing acquaintance.

4. Mitt Romney’s tried to run a perfect campaign. Looks like he’s been dipped in a polyurethane bath. Flip- flopped so much he’s in danger of triggering a Stage Four John Kerry Alert. His campaign ads should close with “I’m Mitt Romney, and I both approve and disapprove of this ad.”

3. Paris Hilton was offered community service, but the community declined.

Q. What’s the difference between Paris Hilton and Scooter Libby? A. 23 days.

2. Dick Cheney’s Chief of Staff Scooter Libby was fined a quarter million dollars which was paid for by the Scooter Libby Defense Fund, which you and I know as… Halliburton. His 30 month sentence was then commuted by President Bush, who apparently is not just the Decider, he’s also the Commuter.

1. Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig isn’t gay and didn’t quit. He may be homosexual, but he is so not gay. Like a Rorschach blot of not gay. Said he was entrapped. Cop must have worn some fetching footwear. Italian design, really shiny and the laces were perfect. Should have gone with the Restless Leg Syndrome defense.

Political comic, Will Durst, expects an even better list in 2008.

Don’t forget The Fifteenth Annual Big Fat Year End Kiss Off Comedy Show. 6 cities. 6 theaters. 6 nights. 7 comics. 216 laughs. December 26th- 31st. willdurst.com or 415.820.9628, for details.
More from this author:
DON’T NOT STAY THE COURSE (6246 Hits)
by Will Durst If you need more proof that President George Bush is as clueless as a goldfish on a leash in a space shuttle, you obviously...
The Demagogic Whistle Stop (5865 Hits)
by Will Durst Oh for crum’s sake, people. It was a joke! “If you don’t study in school you’ll end up getting stuck in Iraq.”...
San Francisco Values (5360 Hits)
by Will Durst Hope you were hanging on to something solid Tuesday night because this country lurched so hard to the left, half of Washington...
Who's the Comeback Kid Now? (6025 Hits)
by Will Durst Guess who the Republicans snuck in as Senate Minority Whip? Trent Lott. Yes, that Trent Lott. Welcome back buddy! You’re a...
AND THEY’RE NOT OFF! (5624 Hits)
by Will Durst I startled some guy in the next lane at a red light when I shouted at my radio today. A semi famous network newscaster had come...
Related Articles:
Mosaic TV - World News from the Middle East (14338 Hits)
Mosaic features selections from daily TV news programs produced by national and regional broadcasters throughout the Middle East....
Philly Inquirer: Making Biased News out of Mole Hills (8549 Hits)
by Dave Lindorff For an example of shameless partisanship and promotion of one candidate in the news pages, it would be hard to find a ...
The Good News Implied in Feingold’s Decision Not to Run (6173 Hits)
by Andrew Bard Schmookler Earlier this year, when courage and clarity seemed dangerously rare among our politicians, many of us were heartened...
US and Latin America: Overview for 2006 and Perspectives for 2007 - James Petras (8455 Hits)
by James Petras Introduction: Escalation of Warfare To understand US-Latin American relations this year and its likely trajectory ...
Top Ten Ways to Change the World in 2007 (5108 Hits)
by Mickey Z. 1. Wear a "Free Tibet" t-shirt 2. Switch to recycled toilet paper 3. Watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert 4. Adopt...


Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites
Trackback(0)
Comments (0)add comment

Write comment
smaller | bigger

busy
 

adsense

Top