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Sun

17

Aug

2008

Street Fighting Vacation
Sunday, 17 August 2008 15:29
by Tom Chartier
Ev’rywhere I hear the sound of marching, charging feet, boy ‘cause summer’s here and the time is right for fighting in the street, boy
- Mick Jagger/Keith Richards
Krimoney, summer is halfway over and has anyone had any fun yet at all? I suspect some folks have had a rocking good time while many others have found out that the “staycation” is rather dull. This is even assuming anyone dares dip into his or her ten days personal leave for any sort of summer holiday.

Well, it may be a little late to salvage Summer 2008 but one can always plan for next year… or maybe a winter vacation. With the tedium of day-to-day existence what we all need is adventure… adventure more in keeping with the modern world.

Ok, so for those condemned by the cost of petrol to go nowhere fast and who have computer game addicted children the solution is easy… more computer games involving lots of shooting and violence. Yes little Billy may be getting tired of W.O.W. – World of WarCraft. It’s all fantasy anyway. Balderdash! Smart moms always opt for something more realistic.

Eureka John Wayne! I have it. Get your little gladiator the smash hit: America’s Army! What pray tell could this be? Why it’s simply the most diabolical recruitment and propaganda tool to come out of the US military since the free bazooka. Available as a free down load, a free disk from your friendly smiling neighborhood recruiter or for purchase if one wishes to use Xbox, Play Station or a Game Cube… er… Wii… console America’s Army will keep your budding teenage Patton enthralled for hours of non-stop killing.

Oh but don’t worry, despite the fact that America’s Army is essentially a recruitment tool for children in violation of international law, as if ‘Merica needs to pay attention to such quaint notions, it is totally safe. Junior will not get blown away or even see and nasty bits of blood, brains, appendages or intestines splattered anywhere. Harmless puffs of smoke emerge before the dead simply go sleepy bye. They even get to battle in such vacation like settings such as oil fields and cities in Mesopotamia, the Cradle of Civilization. You see it’s totally benign… just like the “real” experience America’s Army< brainwashes… uh… prepares them for.

In a pig’s eye! Sadly, they miss out on the PTSD, Traumatic Brain Injuries and mutilations. Oh well, can’t have it all.

And dad can play too. But he will have to battle Spartacus for control of the game counsel.

Ok, so America’s Army is not really suitable as a vacation. I admit it. It’s an anytime activity.

Maybe there’s something with more chutzpah? You know a chance to get out and really get involved? How about the Israel Challenge Army Experience? Now we’re talking good times!

Yes, you and the whole family can fly to Israel, meet with friendly English speaking guides, wear real IDF uniforms and engage in a rollicking good urban paint ball fight as you learn real IDF tactics!

Directly from the Army Experience website:
“Be a ‘Chayal’ for the day as you embark on an all out army adventure.  Equipped with I.D.F. issued uniforms, anti-terror vests, and communication devises you will go through a series of training exercises based on basic and advanced training in the special forces of the Israeli Army.

“Conquer military obstacles, and prepare yourself for an all out war with the latest in paintball equipment. Acquire a deeply profound understanding for our nation's soldiers as you step into their shoes for the day.”
Wow! Sounds like fun doesn’t it? I wonder if vacationing participants get to man checkpoints? Do they get to demolish Palestinian homes? How about detaining Palestinian women in labor on the way to the hospital? You never know when that baby bulge might be a bomb. Do they get to stand guard as Palestinian olive trees are bulldozed to make way for the Separation Barrier? Shoot protestors in the foot with rubber bullets? Oh I hope so! Who wouldn’t feel cheated without the full adventure?

The Israel Challenge Army Experience even has “a special program for small children.” Best to indoctrinate early.

Actually, the Israel Challenge Army Experience probably is fun just like the America’s Army video game or sticking lit firecrackers into ant holes. And I’m sure it blows away that cross-country trek to Wally World.

The thing is… and maybe I’m too old to understand… I always thought fighting wars was not supposed to be a game or fun. Have I missed the point? When did it change from a “noble and heroic” necessity to party time? Come to think of it, even in the rare cases where war might be termed necessary for defense or justice, when was it ever anything other than humanity’s worst obscenity?

Oh well… I have total faith mankind will never give up it’s favorite past time.
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