No, no, no I’m not talking about the fun and games in Georgia. The trained bear idiot in that case was Mikhail Saakashivli and he’s not Russian… so maybe it was more of a rabid monkey act instead. 

I’m talking about the Democratic Party National Convention in the Mile High city of Denver. Now we’re rolling. And we don’t even know the outcome of the mystery! Uh… I pick Hillary for the donkey and Rudy Giuliani for the elephant. Ok… so I’m being coy. There is no mystery. Then why bother with all the hoopla? 

Well… political conventions are high profile events… good for ratings. As such, I’m concerned. Will there be adequate security? I’ve heard that some undesirables plan on crashing the Democratic convention. That won’t do at all! Must call in the enforcers! We cannot allow a repeat of the 1968 Chicago Democratic Convention can we? No way Jose! 

Rumor has it both GOP rejects Mitt Romney and Mad Dog Rudy Giuliani plan on crashing the party. Best to get out the billy clubs and tear gas. Mitt is probably harmless but Rudy has more than a couple loose screws. He could go off half cocked at the drop of a… drop of a… drop of a… help me here… drop of a skyscraper? Offensive I know, but that was Rudy’s entire selling point. 

So who ya gonna call? Police Goon Squad! And thus they did and there they are. 

But you know what? I don’t think the Denver riot thugs give a rat’s ass about messing with Mitt and Rudy’s plans to mess with the Democratic Party’s convention plans. God forbid! We need the men in black to control… and I shudder at the thought… the democracy loving citizens! 

No constitutionalist protestors allowed! 

Surely such repression could never happen in the land of the free! Well… maybe not on the new FOX sit-com Fantasy Republic or Democracy of the Stars. (You may have to wait for my project pitches to get the green light from the studio heads for those.) However, let there be no chances taken. Rabble-rousers are about!  

Not exactly Blackwater… yet… the Denver “peace management” teams have been called out to suppress the ones who won’t toe the line. “Listen ya little punk in that democracynow.org T-shirt! Don’t make me hafta blow your friggin head off for any preeversions! We have laws here ya know!” 

Well, thank God you won’t see the Denver SWAT teams on TV… unless some juicy ratings boosting head thumping breaks out… but they are there. And they are keeping us all safe from democracy... uh wait. Didn’t I mean for democracy? No, I think I got it right the first time: from democracy. And even more importantly, from the illusion of a republic. 

Don’t you just love the seasonal charade to pick America’s Top Dictator? “Hey don’t blame me! I didn’t vote for that idiot! I didn’t vote at all!” Well, that makes sense in a sad and tragic way. One can’t help but wonder if voting makes any difference anymore. After a good year of balderdash, the mainstream media usually ends up picking which two unqualified nimrods we get to choose from long before the conventions to pick the various party’s candidates.  

Is it any wonder there are Americans who might protest? Well then, let them! That’s what America was all about. And it’s part of the political convention party atmosphere. But of course, that threatens the Empire. Best to call in the Praetorian Guard. 

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