Friends have you ever found yourselves in the socially awkward position of being required by protocol to endure the endless pontificating of some International Statesman who is in fact a loudmouthed buffoon? Let me re-phrase in regular English. Have you ever had to sit through a speech by a complete jerk?
Sadly, many of us have had this traumatic experience. It can leave permanent scars as well as completely putting you off your food.
Let me illustrate a case in point. You have been invited to attend a United Nations Conference on Racism. Like most intellectuals, you find racism intolerable. One could claim to be intolerant of the intolerant. Lo and behold who turns up to speak but a World Famous racist like… oh for example… Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The mind races in utter confusion. What to do? What to do? You were expecting Jimmy Carter and instead got the Little Loudmouth from Persia. Just what nimrod invited this guy?
Predictably Ahmadinejad does what he does best… spew total racist garbage. After all… it’s his job. In fact, these clockwork like triads Ahmadinejad vomits from his orifice are his bread and butter… or to be racist, his humus and pita. Give him a platform and out they flow with the splendor of rockets red glare.
Buried in all the tactless foaming at the mouth Ahmadinejad might have a few points worth considering, but not in the way he portrays them! Yes, The Israelis and the Palestinians have a problem involving a lot of paranoia, anger and hate on both sides. They need to work this out. However, stirring up more hate and racism… well… that’s just plain stupid. One has to ask why if Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was invited to “speak” Israel’s Avigdor Lieberman was not? It seems to me they’d make a great double header. Together they could bring the house down.
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Why does Ahmadinejad continuously inflame the Western World with his rhetoric? Does he seriously believe it? Well… maybe. More likely one should consider to whom he is really speaking. After all, he is an elected politician. A-ha! He’s lobbying for votes through the politics of hate as opposed to the “more civilized” politics of fear. Standing up to the West by being outrageous, Ahmadinejad hopes to look like a modern Gamal Abdel Nasser of Egypt, The Big Man who defies the West, and… you guessed it… get re-elected.
Well, folks the UN played right into Ahmadinejad’s hands and walked out. Pity. The best way to neutralize an exploitive loudmouth is to ignore him! Duh. Hadn’t any of the delegates been to a party where some guy got drunk and danced around with a lampshade on his head? The members of the UN should have simply taken out the translation earphones and opened up a good book.
I’m absolutely sure they will all get another chance.
What reading material might be appropriate? May I make some recommendations? Of course Gentle Abused Reader is free to make his or her own choices. This is just a list of what I might take with me.
First, it’s best to laugh at “dignitaries” who think they are actually important. They’re not. So at the top of my list is Schizophrenic In Japan by Mike (in Tokyo) Rogers. Mike has been a bit quiet as of late in the world of column writing but nonetheless, his sense of humor is profound and timeless. What would you rather do, listen to Ahmadinejad rant or read about Mike pretending to be insane at the Tokyo DMV or squirrel fishing? I rest my case.
Okay, next. What is Ahmadinejad’s big dancing camel act based on? Anti-Semitism (the real thing) and Holocaust denial. Therefore, my second choice is The Rise And Fall of the Third Reich by William L. Shirer. Heckers, that black cover with the dreaded swastika screams out: “Shut Up Mahmoud! You’re an idiot!”
Well, maybe Shirer is a bit heavy for a UN party. I might prefer “lighter” reading. Oh here’s one of my faves, Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. And just for special occasions where I have to endure long tedious speeches I have Galt’s Speech bookmarked. I always like to see which ends first, Galt’s Speech read at my snail’s pace or the clown with the microphone. It adds a bit of sport to the affair don’t you agree?
Maybe we should check to see what people read in the past to tune out bombastic leaders. For example what did bored diplomats pull out of their briefcases while Niki Khrushchev was banging his shoe on the table?
I hear On The Road by Jack Kerouac was a favorite to read while ignoring the Anemic Russian Bear. Or maybe that time honored classic Peyton Place. Okay, okay… I’m not sure Peyton Place qualifies as a classic but it’s hard to put down a good… or bad… soap when being verbally abused.
None of these suggestions tickle your fancy? Well then, how about falling back on the tried and true staple of the Cold War? I’m talking about The Joy Of Cooking. There might even be some recipes for a couple of Persian dishes.
Whatever your choice, be it Bass Fishing For Dummies or The Pet Goat The point is the same. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, like many other politicians, is full of hot air and loves the sound of his own voice. Does this come as a surprise to anybody? So the next time you’re stuck at an international shindig and guest speaker is another bombastic cretin, ignore him! Don’t grant him the favor of a big news story. That’s what these types usually want.
Trust me on this. If you want the loudmouthed buffoons to vanish with the sands of time, sooner rather than later, don’t take them as seriously as they take themselves... at least not until they have throngs of blind followers. And that is something a lot of press is sure to help generate.
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