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by Jayne Lyn Stahl

Ever wonder what the great poets, philosophers, thinkers, and statesmen might have to say if we could interrupt their slumber, and ask them what they'd be doing were they to find themselves living anywhere on the planet today?

Here's a go at it:

James Joyce: "I'd be making independent films."

William Blake: "I'd learn how to play electric guitar, and write songs like Bob Dylan."

Walt Whitman: "I'd start my own Huffington Post, and blog constantly."

Arthur Rimbaud: "I'd be a pirate."

Fyodor Dostoyevsky: "I'd work for the LAPD."

Franz Kafka "I'd work for the State Department."

Marcel Proust: "I'd hide under a rock."

Bonaparte Napoleon: "I'd keep Proust company."

Friedrich Nietzsche: "I'd use condoms."

Benito Mussolini "I'd work for Amtrak."

John F. Kennedy: "I'd be a retired college English professor, and finishing my seventh novel."

Karl Marx: "I'd join Proust and Mussolini under that rock."

Garcia Lorca: "I'd probably be in a Cuban jail."

Allen Ginsberg: "I'd be in Obama's underwear singing no more nukes."

Peter the Great: "I'd be in Dick Cheney's pants."

Sigmund Freud: "I'd be searching for the Clinton cigar."

Mata Hari: "I'd be working Wall Street."

William Butler Yeats: "I'd still be getting rejection letters from The New Yorker."

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